Raw and Uncut

My laptop died...or so I thought. I logged into my blog today for the first time since October 7, 2011. But, I'm back determined more than ever to share my thoughts. My desire is that you will develop a deeper sense of your own life by reading personal snippets of my own.

On any given day (except Wednesdays and Sundays), I can usually be found at FaBoom Dance wildly shaking my thang to a Pitbull song. I gather with a group of incredible, very encouraging and supportive women who share a common goal...to get fit while having fun. I can not recall any of them ever using the word "exercise". We dance separately, facing the mirror, all together. Zumba is great. You can't help but to feel good.

During class recently, I noticed the drifts of my mind. Thoughts, like a piece of wood near the shore which somehow refuse to be swept away by the current, remain. I say to myself "Concentrate, girl! Stay present in this moment". But, still I wrestle with my self, knowing full well that it is because of this MOMENT, this one hour of facing myself in the mirror that causes the nagging thoughts to penetrate even the bass of the music. "Just stop already," I want to yell. But instead I keep my intense gaze aka my game face never letting on to my mind's wanderings until now....

I have always been amazed at how the brain works. And I have often pondered why certain seemingly unrelated items pop into your head at the most inopportune times. It occurred to me while driving to work one morning, that I have spent the majority of my life hating my own body. I have questioned God, the wind, my ancestors, the mirror, a bag of carrot chips, my thighs as to why I have always and I do mean always struggled with weight. Unlike many women, I did not inhabit a skinny girls body during my teenage years and suddenly balloon post pregnancy. You know the balloon that refuses to pop even though your son is now a sophomore in High School and driving a vehicle? Yeah not my story. It's just always been a part me! Well, I did play the role of a skinny girl for a few years in college thanks to limited 'eating out' funds, walking the hills of Berkeley and Weight Watchers.

I have never not thought about my weight or how to lose it. I don't care about grammar right now. Sometimes rules keep you from discovering your destination, jus' sayin'.

I got to a point in my late twenties when I consciously decided that I will move and have my being, inspite of the extra pounds. I knew in my heart that I wanted to experience the world and I was determined not to allow weight to stop me. You see, I have always been dedicated to my emotional and spiritual fitness! I fight HARD to create and maintain a healthy life outlook. In my constant seeking of wisdom, I came across "A Course in Weight Loss" by Marianne Williamson. I read a few chapters and then closed it because it opened up places I was not ready to face. So yet another book on the shelf that I self righteously decided to dismiss.

That was until recently, when the realization that I have spent most of my life in a state of self-loathing crept into my head. I regularly practice simultaneously congratulating the development of my inner self while despising the outer. Um, that's healthy...NOT!

As quickly as the ugly thoughts came, I remembered the first chapter of the book. The author suggested that I must love all parts of me in order to heal any part. Who has ever heard of this applied to weight? Surely, this can't be right? We are taught to hate fat. We equate fat with ugliness, laziness and unworthiness. Don't we? Who in their right mind would embrace that, love it no less? My mind can't comprehend this. If I love my physical self as it is, won't I become comfortable and maybe just maybe choose to let it stay...as is? God and all of the Heavenly Host forbid! Actually, quite the contrary.

My body as it is or was has served me well for the past forty years. I began to understand and appreciate that this body has taken me places. It has loved and been loved. It has supported my movements, strengthened and energized me. And even when I abused it with little sleep, too much sugar, salt, fat or not enough exercise, it simply sent out gentle reminders to get focused girl. So I began to embrace the woman (all off her) that I am today. I am grateful now for the experiences I have had in this body. I now know that in order to become a truly healthy individual, I must reconcile all of the intricate parts of me. I believe that real change, even physical change, must begin on a spiritual level. Self-love, the hope of a bright future and the desire to explore the world motivate me to let go of what no longer serves me. I began by committing to exercising um I mean dancing regularly. It no longer serves me to carry the extra pounds. I am slowly but surely moving towards my real weight.

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the beauty and power of my own body as it was, as it is and as it will become.
Over the years, MY BODY has allowed me to...

Kindergarten - Le Lycee Francais

Establish a life long love of learning.

Conceive, Carry and give birth to my son. Who is now 16 years old.

Dallas in Kindergarten

My niece Alana Marie

Welcome new life into the world with a sweet embrace.















Walk mountain tops in Africa.

View from Table Mountain (Capetown, South Africa)

I am grateful. I am making a conscious effort to stop the negative self-talk and replace it with words of encouragement. I am reminding myself of what I have accomplished thus far in this body. And I am motivating myself with thoughts about all of the fun I will create in my new body. I am focused on health...healthy mind, healthy soul and a healthy body. No more lopsided living. Slow and steady wins the race. Life is so much lighter when you understand the power of loving your whole self.

Jodi

"So I like what I see when I'm looking at me when I'm walking past the mirror"

Mary J Blige

Find Your Motivation

I have noticed that I have difficulty starting my blog without a title. The idea is there but the title sort of acts like a diving board, giving me just enough spring to push me over the edge. As I was mulling over possible titles in my head, a Kaiser Permanente Commercial aired and ended with "Find your Motivation". I love the angle they use but, I will save that for a later post.

As I continue on my journey to a healthier me, I have encountered a few challenges along the way. I was dismayed but not daunted. These nagging irritants have actually become building blocks. Well, I think it more accurate to say I turned them into stepping stones. My choice, my decision, my will empowered me to view the world a bit differently.

On Friday mornings I head to the LA Fitness Gym near work to center my mind and challenge my body. A few weeks ago, I was walking up the stairs to the cardio area but, stopped on the landing to get a better view of where the ab equipment was placed. This is not my normal location so I am not as familiar with their lay out. Just as I was about to head back up the stairs, I felt that creepy "someone is watching me feeling". I chose not to pay it any attention as I am learning to focus on myself and my goals. If I am going to spend hours at the gym, I am going to make it count. I am not here to play. I expect results.

I walk over to the treadmill and start my workout. Press the arrows a couple of times, increase the pace. Great song playing to keep me motivated and...screech...scratch the record...nails on the chalk board, what is this I hear? Two men on treadmills next to me are heckling. These dudes comment on EVERY WOMAN that passes by. They made sure not one female was missed. Their incessant chattering ranged from describing what they would love to do her body to wondering out loud if fries go with that shake. If these guys didn't look close to FIFTY yes, 50 years old, I would assume that they were in grade school. I listened to a few more of their very rude, very loud outburst before, I decided to take charge of the situation.

In my mind, I saw myself handing them mirrors so they could get a good look at themselves. Surely, these men weren't making fun of someone's looks..um..totally hypocritical...enough said! Presented with a choice to either shrink like a wilting flower and leave the gym or to rise up and push through like a new blade of grass, I knew there was only one choice to be made. For a moment, I could hear the voices of countless women saying "this is why I hate gyms. It is a total meat market. I feel so self conscious". Yes, those thoughts flashed across my mind. But, I drowned them out and replaced them with motivating thoughts. You see, I have discovered that once you find your motivation, you can not be stopped. At every moment of every day you face a choice to feed your faith or your fear.

In my opinion, fear is insatiable. Once you give it an ounce of attention, its got you hooked. Think a negative thought and it wants another. Soon, you will find that the only way to keep fear truly appeased is by seeking other negative individuals to increase the poisonous energy. What's that old saying "Misery loves company". Fear, just like Faith requires constant feeding.

According to the online dictionary, Faith is the belief in something without proof. When I look in the mirror, I still see things I want to change. I believe and hang onto the knowledge that through proper nutrition and regular exercise, I will get to see the proof. I tapped into my reserve of favorite quotes as I listened to the hecklers. I encouraged myself by digging deep. My desire to get healthy and whole is my motivation. I made a very conscious decision to not be moved by fans or foes. Instead of leaving the gym, I completed my power walk and marched straight to the machines to get in some strength training. I actually chose to try new equipment even some machines which directly faced these men. Yes, I could still faintly hear their arbitrary shouts of "muffin top" and "tootsie roll". But, I am so determined and so motivated to reach my goal that not even jeers will deter me.

I could have spent that morning believing every comment was directed at me. Whether it was or wasn't is not my concern. I will not give negativity energy. Things like a lousy nights sleep, lack of coffee, traffic, missing keys, bills and barking dogs, heckling men are all frustrating but that's life. These things will not determine whether or not I am going to have a good day. And they surely will not turn me off course. I stare my motivation in the face every morning when I look in the mirror. I am getting healthier for me. And in my reflection I see life. I see hope. I see victory.

Find your motivation....

Here are a few of the quotes I use regularly to encourage myself. Feel free to borrow :-)

“Don't take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering". Don Miguel Ruiz

"Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do". Marianne Williamson

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".
Hebrews 11:1

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right."

Henry Ford

Pro-vision for my vision.....

This is a comment I just wrote on my friend Freida's "A journey to a Healthy Me" Blog in response to a pic she took of us lastnight after our Zumbatoning Fitness Class at Faboom Dance School...

I got a lil' teary eyed reading this. I actually started feeling that old familiar feeling when I saw you posted our pic. I was hesitant to really look at 'ME' the curves, the hills, the valleys. I could always control the pics I posted, cropping and cutting to create a more flattering look. But there I am full body at that..posing no less...in a strong confident "I am woman" position with two powerful sister-friends and I love it. I accept who I am today and I embrace the woman I am becoming. Thank you for sharing..Thank you for being Fre!!!

Jodi, Freida & Ashley after a great Zumba Workout

I have found that the key to continuing on my journey is PREPARATION. I always loved when my Pastor Daddy (yes, my dad is an ordained minister) would say God has PRO-vision for your Vision. I have come to personally experience God as a provider. He has blessed me tremendously and not just financially. I am talking peace, faith, hope, love and joy. As I work towards a goal, I know that people, circumstances, situations etc. are already in place to assist me on my path.

So my part in this is being busy at my vision. I have committed to working on my health and wellness. Yes, I still have a slice of pizza or my co-worker's yummy brownie bites but, I know I must balance my choice to indulge by increasing my work out or balancing the meal for the rest of the day.

I am gone about 15 hours a day between my commute, transporting my son, work, errands and the gym. In order to stay on top of my nutrition, I must plan ahead and pack my food. I am exhausted once I get home but, I started the habit of preparing my lunch the night before. As I have stated in my previous post, I often pot luck with a group of girls who share in my vision.

Our lunch menu consisted of a roasted veggie pasta salad (Farfalle, roasted mushrooms, broccoli, carrots & tomatoes tossed with a bit of Brianna's French Vinagrette). For my friend Amy, I pulled her portion aside and packed her salad in a cute Hello Kitty container without the added Asiago, Cheddar and Grilled Chicken. We planned a salad bar side dish.





I brought shredded carrots, broccoli and tomatoes.

added a pear for good measure :-)

In order to make this work for me and to get out of the house on time, about 5:50 in the morning, my lunch bag has to be ready to roll.

I put the whole thing in the fridge so I can grab it and go!!! No more running out at lunch for a fast food salad or whatever else moved me that day. I can control what I eat. I am empowered.










Packing my lunch is one way I commit to working on my vision.

"By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail."

~Ben Franklin

Featuring my Friend...

As I was browsing through Facebook tonight, I happened upon the most incredible thing. I am so excited and so inspired right now, I can hardly contain myself....

Ready Go....(to be read quickly but slow enough to catch my drift..ya dig?!) Cuz that's just how over the top, uber thrilled I am right now!!!

So, I have this really lovely, I mean incredibly beautiful friend whose beauty yes, is apparent on the outside but......shines from the inside...This friend sometimes doesn't realize how powerful and insightful she really is....soooo, she tends to keep herself all 'hidden' like and played down...But, she is not really successful at it because people can't help but be drawn to her. MAGNETIC!

She is a Real Woman who eats Real Food. She is a Vegan For Life which she proudly displays on the back of her pimped out ride. This woman is committing to incorporating healthy habits, living socially aware and helping all of us perfect the smoky eye!

As part of my Real Woman Real Food Campaign, I have decided to feature women who are reclaiming their health and wellness. I am on the look out for strong, powerful individuals who are seeking a better way.

My motto is, it really doesn't matter where we are right now 'cuz we know where we are going...We are starting where we are to create the life we want. On that note, I would like to introduce you to Amy.

We are co-workers by chance, friends by choice...I hope you delight in the elegant simplicity of this video and applaud her accomplishment as she has lost 20 pounds since its recording.

Enjoy.....http://youtu.be/mh7zwT-RNM8   I promise you will LOVE THIS!!!!

"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick."
~Gwyneth Paltrow 

Two are stronger than one

Growing up, I remember my parents frequently reminding me to mind my manners and my company.  I learned that no matter how the world 'progresses' that some things should never change. I was raised by people who honestly believe that your word is your bond. A simple shake of the hand indicated your commitment to getting the job done..

Developing a solid character was of the utmost importance. Not only did I come to understand that committing to my personal goals will ensure positive success but, I had the power to help others grow also. Iron most definitely sharpens iron.

Roasted Veggies by Nichole

As I have previously shared, a few great friends regularly water my healthy living seeds. There are times I am on the treadmill or packing a balanced lunch for work the next day, I think about these individuals who act as fans on the sidelines. I find that sharing this goal with a few trusted individuals keeps me pressing towards the mark.

 My hope is that my changes can encourage someone else to continue on their journey towards their best selves. Life is truly about paying it forward.

My friends and I occasionally pot luck at work. It is such a pleasure having a group of girlfriends who support a healthy lifestyle!

Wenesday's Lunch Menu Included:

Roasted Veggies

Brown Rice

Hummus

Pita Chips

Green Salad w/Balsamic Vinaigrette 

Little Facts I love

Build Better Bones  

Build better bones by eating bananas? Yes, enjoying bananas frequently as part of your healthy way of eating can help improve your body's ability to absorb calcium via several mechanisms.

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

It's not too late...

Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you really are—you will never, ever reach your personal potential.

—Oprah

 

Several weeks ago, I posted the following Facebook Status Update:

  

You know that thing/person/behavior/attitude you have been hanging onto for far too long? It wants to be released. There is no place for it in your future. Besides, you outgrew it a long time ago...no longer a good look. Trust and Believe!

 That absolutely was the beginning of my acknowledgement of the need for change. Prior to this, I was merely existing when it came to my health and nutrition. Um no, I was "dead" to health and nutrition. I knew it was important, had even experienced some success with it in the past. But, on August 24, 2011, my perception opened and caused a real life change.  

What I know is true is that I am on earth at this moment in time, to bless others. My purpose to encourage and to uplift others to press forward, to dream on, to live their best lives. We are all in this human experience together desiring love, peace and to live fulfilled lives. This desire crosses color, economic and social lines. It may look differently to each person. And that's okay..that is the beauty of our freedom as individuals.

What I know for sure is that, I must transform and develop myself mentally, spiritually and physically in order to accomplish my life's purpose. One aspect is not more important the other. Balance is key. 

To be authentically and organically ME requires that I feed my mind, my soul and my body the best. I control what comes in and what goes out. And when I choose not to honor my body, I choose to not live authentically. I don't really care how long I have lived with unhealthy habits, that is not the real me. It is time to emerge, to grow, to blossom.

Little Facts I love:

Spinach from Blisstree.com

One cup of spinach has nearly 20% of the RDA of dietary fiber, which aids in digestion, prevents constipation, maintains low blood sugar, and curbs overeating.

 

 

You make me feel like a Natural Woman...

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take". ~ Anthony Robbins

Last night, I read this quote on my friend Elaine's Facebook Page. I clicked on "like", wrote a nice comment about how the world would be a better place if we approached ALL relationships this way, hit enter and continued my browsing with an enormous sense of satisfaction. 

This is exactly what I wrote:  

"Love this...what a wonderful world this would be if we approached all relationships this way!!"

 What hit me next could have floored any prize fighter. It is so incredibly huge for me that I created a new blog to properly honor its power...its ability to transform.

My life changed, my paradigm shifted and I knew in an instant that things would never be the same. I experienced what Oprah ingeniously named an "Aha Moment"! I searched for my friend Elaine's status update once more, reread the quote and my very wise, in my own opinion, comment. 

And then....

 This is exactly what I thought:

I have developed a very unhealthy RELATIONSHIP with food. What if I applied that quote to food? I continued in the relationship as it stands because I use (particularly unhealthy)food to make me feel good. Just what if I began to approach food with the attitude that I am here to give. But how do you give to food? What would that look like, feel like? How would my behavior change? 

Farmer's Market Veggies and Fruit ~ Beauty of home made Lunch

I, inspired by my great friend Freida, had already begun the change. I committed to decreasing my consumption of fast food by letting go of the excuse that I am an overly exhausted single mother basically living on the road. I committed to packing a colorful, balanced lunch daily by affirming the fact that my body requires vitamins and not just fullness. I committed to increasing my water intake after a terrible hormonal breakout on my face. I committed to regular exercise and now wake up earlier to squeeze in about 30 minutes before work.

I changed my mind and my behavior followed. So how do I maintain this change? By filtering my thoughts. How do I know that this time will be different? Because I am waking up each morning resolved to give.

I am not on a diet/exercise plan. I desire a wholesome and balanced lifestyle. Real food for a real woman. I am in therapy, my own self created therapy to heal this relationship. Through this blog, I will share my transformation.

May all of your relationships be healthy.

It is not enough to survive. May you live long and Thrive.